Around this time of year, conversations about sacrifice tend to increase, and in Catholic circles, we look that whole business of “offering it up” – that once common phrase and practice, not so frequently heard any longer.
Unless you’re me over the past three and half weeks.
You can find lots of articles discussing, justifying and explaining “offering it up” from a theoretical perspective.
I have no apologetics or extended argument to present today. All I have is gratitude.
Over the past weeks, I have been graced with innumerable gifts.
There have been very real concrete gifts of food and money. I’ve been sent gift cards to restaurants and grocery stores. I’ve received checks. And I am the awed recipient of a collection that the wonderful, already busy Danielle Bean organized, which collected enough money to pay for fully 2/3 of the funeral expenses.
How can I thank you? Danielle is going to be sending me the emails of those who donated through Paypal, so each of you will receive a note from me – as will those of you have emailed and sent cards. It will take a couple of months, but it will happen.
In addition to the financial assistance, every day, I have received word of a few more people praying for Michael and us – praying in various forms and ways.
Including offering it up.
Priests have offered Masses. Those going to Mass have offered their participation and prayer at Mass. People write saying that they offered their Communion for us. Rosaries. Holy Hours. An acquaintance wrote to say that she offered 6 hours of unmedicated childbirth labor for Michael’s soul. Two people are – and this just humbles me beyond words – offering their Lenten disciplines for Michael and for our peace.
And there are many more.
As I said, it is humbling. It is a reminder to me – a very strong reminder – to work towards being exponentially more generous in my own spiritual life. Why do I do what I do? What are my prayers for? Just for *me* and for the sake of my own personal journey? Or am I explicitly tying them into something more generous, more cosmic, more sacrificial?
Don’t ask me how it “works.” I don’t know. All I know is that once you accept the mysterious efficacy of prayer, it seems as if everything can be included, not just the words, “Lord, please help him.” It breaks open a whole new way of envisioning and living in this Body of Christ for me, and for that, too I am grateful.
And I can’t help but sense that it is bearing fruit for me. For us.
A reason why:
I have really been tortured – and that is not too strong a word – by an intense fear of death since my early teens. I have a vivid memory of the moment, when I was about thirteen years old, when the fact of my mortality struck me. I have struggled with this because I know that is not the way a Christian should be – but taking comfort in even St. Therese’s apparent fears before her death, and such.
I’ve always worked myself out of it intellectually – do I believe that Jesus rose from the dead, that the disciples’ testimony is true? Yes I do. I mean – I really do. Then, I just keep thinking, walking along that road, logically, and I am eventually okay, placing my faith in Jesus, the reality of the Resurrection and my share in that – well, until the next time something hits me as I pass a cemetery, consider the obituaries or even consider the reality that in 50 years I’ll be gone and the world will turn without me and I won’t be journeying with my children on earth any more.
I was driving yeseterday morning and I realized something.
That fear is gone. I mean…GONE.
I even tried to get scared. I thought about my grave, about my body in a casket, about obituaries, about not being here to see, say, little Michael’s children (which is a possibility – I’m 48..he’s 4. Well naturally it’s a possibility anyway, no matter how old each of us are, as I have learned the hard way this month) if he has any…about not knowing, as my father said last summer, “how it all turns out” for everyone.
I thought about all the things that have, for 35 years, made me tremble with a fearful anticipation and a desire to avert my eyes and distract myself…
I tried. But none of it worked. I was totally at peace.
It wasn’t a Ghost and Mrs. Muir thing going on, where I imagined being with Michael again – although I do think about that at times, cautiously, not wanting to fall into wishful thinking. No, it wasn’t that.
It was really just this:
“Well, all right ” I thought. “Michael went on that road and he is okay – more than okay. I know it. I can go too because he led the way.”
It was odd and striking, somewhat expressive of our entire relationship and, I’m going to say to you, pretty much a miracle.
Who knows where it came from, who knows why. Ultimately God, of course – God’s grace. But working in those mysterious ways, through earthen vessels ready to be poured out, generously and sacrificially, moved by Love.
I am opening comments. I would like the conversation to be limited, if possible, to the idea of “offering it up.” Not arguing about it, necessarily, but simply discussing how it has worked in your lives.
OFfering it up is such an amazing grace. In both directions. In my life, I had heard the phrase a million times, ya da ya da…but only after I actually began practicing it did it really start meaning anything. And to know, really know, that others had “offered it up”, for me, was and is the most humbling thing I know. And it has made my life and my prayers ever so much richer and meaningful to do so for others…..The connections, through this practice, that are unseen to our human eyes, but I know are there in this grace, simply, still, blow me away.
I will say, simply, that the idea of offering up my days for my children has radically changed how I view being away from them during the work day. Before, it was all about being able to provide them with a safe, stable environment. Now it’s that, but also so much more. Contributing to their salvation. Increasing my spiritual communion with them. Protecting them, spiritually. Fatherhood without this view would seem so empty to me.
Heaven became really real – not that God and His Church ever were less than the most real things to me – when my wife, my beloved Sharon, died. Her confessor took me aside after he celebrated her Mass of the Resurrection and noted “the only way Sharon cannot be in heaven is if there weren’t heaven – and we both know better than that”. When the nest emptied and I entered lonely solitude, as Sharon would likely have it I have become more and more contemplative – and feel heaven in His arms.
It is amazing what God can pull off when, simply and truly, He gives us His saints we have known, loved and even so desired – just not as much as He has.
All hail, God our Father, Who loves us so.
I remember that Cardinal Bernardin wrote and spoke about it as he was going through cancer treatment and before his death.
He said that he was very aware, when one is seriously ill, that the focus seems to be entirely on one’s own body, own pain. That prayer seems very hard, if nothing else, because one doesn’t have the energy to shift focus.
He also talked about the ways that he felt supported by the prayer of others, even when he felt exhausted by the idea of praying. It was not that he had lost faith. He was clear about that. Again, it was just the energy necessary to focus heart and mind.
I think of that when others are ill (or in labor, as a friend is right now!). My prayers are offered up, hopefully supporting them in the knowledge of God’s presence when they can’t summon the energy to pray for themselves.
I also don’t ‘know how it works’ but I do know that it is a net that binds us together and keeps us in communion.
I have been saying one of the various versions of the Morning Offering for a while now. I remember one day when I was frusrated and being impatient with the children, I heard the words in my mind, “I offer you my prayers, works, joys, and sufferings of this day…” I pondered those words and realized, as I should have all along I guess, that to offer it up means to give it away. In the Morning, I already gave away all these things for the greater glory of God. It doesn’t mean I don’t still own them, it just means that when I receive them they are being given back to me from the One who loves me and knows what I need better than I could ask for or imagine.
Like many, offering it up was a saying that I heard oh so often growing up, (and one I repeated to others) without really knowing what it meant in my heart….until there was a crisis for a young person I knew. The young person didn’t know that I knew about the crisis (still doesn’t), and it wasn’t something I could fix (which I wanted to). This was very personal and immediate (not like offering it up for those starving in 3rd world or even a family member with cancer-much more personal and immediate) . I fasted every day for a year for this person. I found the fasting not to hard very quickly because of the love behind it.
I finally got it, but its hard to explain.
On a note about death-I too was afraid, both for myself and for my closest loved ones, until my Dad died a few years back. I found overwhelming gratitude for a life well-lived and one I was blessed to be a part of. For some reason, the fear went away in a sudden instant.
I offer today´s hard momment for Michael and all your family.
Let me just say first that this is an inspired post, and your blog is one of my favorites. My heart goes out to you and your husband and I am praying for your family, Amy.
Suffering and “offering it up” has been on my mind a lot lately. I recently had a very scary experience with kidney stones that landed me in the hospital. Not only that, but I was in another country (India), couldn’t get ahold of my emergency contact, and required a minor surgical procedure. Kidney stones aren’t really an emergency situation, but experiencing it for the first time ever, in a foreign country, with no insurance, and no family was a terrifying experience. Fortunately this experience (along with your blog and lots of reading, to be honest) taught, and is still teaching me, so much about redemptive suffering. These are painful things to learn, and I’m still trying to wrap my head around uniting my suffering with Christ’s, but I’m learning that there is beauty and purpose in my own suffering and in the suffering of others. What a strange lesson to learn.
Thank you for sharing your experiences, painful though it may be, because it is so helpful in my understanding of Christ and His Church.
I didn’t really understand the idea of offering it up until, like you, I was the recipient of other people’s prayers and sacrifices after my miscarriage and cancer diagnosis. I still don’t fully understand it; but having experienced those graces and that outpouring of love from the Body of Christ, I’ve had a very different experience of offering prayers and sacrifices for others as well.
Amy, you continue to be in my prayers. Thank you for all your thoughtful words.
Pope Benedict reflected on the practice of “offering it up” in Spe Salvi:
“I would like to add here another brief comment with some relevance for everyday living. There used to be a form of devotion—perhaps less practised today but quite widespread not long ago—that included the idea of ‘offering up’ the minor daily hardships that continually strike at us like irritating ‘jabs’, thereby giving them a meaning. Of course, there were some exaggerations and perhaps unhealthy applications of this devotion, but we need to ask ourselves whether there may not after all have been something essential and helpful contained within it. What does it mean to offer something up? Those who did so were convinced that they could insert these little annoyances into Christ’s great ‘com-passion’ [to ‘suffer with’] so that they somehow became part of the treasury of compassion so greatly needed by the human race. In this way, even the small inconveniences of daily life could acquire meaning and contribute to the economy of good and of human love. Maybe we should consider whether it might be judicious to revive this practice ourselves.”
Over the past year and a half or so, I’ve really tried to delve deep into this form of prayer. It’s been a real aid in helping me to follow that seemingly impossible charge of St. Paul to pray without ceasing.
But it’s really not when, in your soul, you turn more and more of what you do in your day into a sacrifice offered up out of love to our heavenly Father.
It also makes you want to do the ordinary things you do each day really well since you don’t want to offer up something shoddy, let alone something that is sinful.
When I was a teacher at a Catholic school for boys in Spain, one of the boys I had taught and become close to was diagnosed with a severe and aggressive form of leukemia. I was devastated by the news, as were all of us who loved him and knew him so well. I remember breaking down in tears as I prayed before the Blessed Sacrament that evening that I heard the news of the diagnosis, promising God that I would offer up all that I could for Pablo’s comfort and healing.
While he wasn’t yet 16 years old, I watched Pablo (and his devout, God-fearing family) handle the diagnosis itself, the ravages of his severe illness, and the very painful diagnostic tests and treatments with grace and humility like that of the saints. Pablo went through awful pain and suffering with multiple bone marrow punctures and treatments, chemo, and radiation therapies for the next 6 months. The entire time, whenever I would talk with him or write him and receive his replies, NOT ONCE did he ever mention feeling angry with God, nor did he ever ask for pity or complain about his pain and suffering, Rather, he was very nonchalant about simply offering up all of that suffering to God and asking for the Holy Spirit to reach the souls of his friends and acquaintances who were weak in the faith. He always asked about how different friends were doing spiritually and emotionally, and always with the intention of continuing to pray for them and offer up his own pain that God could reach them where they were.
Seeing this young man, 10 years younger than me, giving so selflessly and completely of himself to God was a powerful witness to me that increased my faith and drew me closer to God and the mystery and power of redemptive suffering than I had ever been before in my life. I know from many friends that they also drew closer to Christ and the Church by both Pablo’s powerful witness, and more importantly, by the spiritual acts of mercy that he applied to all of us in offering up his own pain to God.
Happily, God was merciful and wanted Pablo to continue to do His Will on this Earth. He has now been in remission for 9 years and is essentially cured. He’s living as a consecrated and celibate young man, serving God and the Church now in Hungary as a missionary. It won’t surprise me in the least if God calls this fine young man to become a priest some day!
I have offered up each of my five natural births for the conversion of my husband…apparently God believes that more of that is necessary…lol!
Quite awhile ago I was inspired to offer chores I do everyday, but loathe, for particular people or their intentions. The first diaper I change everyday goes to an internet acquaintance. Getting up in the middle of the night goes to another set of friends. If I wake with pain as I sometimes do, I say thank you and offer it for whoever in the world most needs prayer right now. Getting the kids in the car goes to those who have no one to pray for them. Folding laundry to another. Dishes for my spiritual director. And so on. Personally I feel like it’s kind of self-centered and slacker, because it gives me a way to make the things I most dislike doing more palatable, as well as giving what often feels like a humdrum life the aura of purpose…and because if I don’t attach prayers to repetitive actions or to a particular time of day I always forget to pray.
And I know, without a doubt, that in the darkest point n my adult life–that it was the prayers of other and the sacrifices of others who kept me hanging on, and left me with my faith intact when it was so deeply wounded and challenged…because in the midst of it all I couldn’t pray. I just couldn’t find the words, or see through the agony to form the words upon my lips–and so I know the rest of the Body compensated for my weakness and shifted the load until I was healed.
Shannon, what a beautiful idea! I’m going to do that with my housework from now on, too! I’ll be cleaning the bathroom all the time now! (My husband will love you for giving me the idea!)
When I was little, my mom told us about offering things up. I naturally didn’t understand it until later in life, but I had some idea… the idea that I was suffering something so others wouldn’t have to suffer something else.
When I was cold, I would offer it up for the souls in Purgatory–thinking that the fire that cleansed them was hot and that my coldness might give them some respite from their pain. When I dip my fingers in the holy water, I still shake a little off before blessing myself with it. I tell God that “that sprinkle is for whoever needs it the most in Purgatory.” Still, when I’m cold–the other day I was running around Baltimore without my ear muffs and the wind was howling!!–I offer it up for the souls in Purgatory–the ones no one is praying for. While they might not have the literal gust of wind that I’m experiencing or the drops of holy water might not quite reach them, I figure that God will give them something they do need, and with that thought, I am satisfied.
A few years ago, I was tormented by the thought that I’d never have a novel published again, that I’d be rejected a thousand times, etc.
I offered it up, and instantly the tormenting thoughts went away. It was as if God was saying, “You don’t need to worry about that.”
I’ve found a lot of the time, when I offer up something, God actually TAKES it as if it really was “offered.” And then this thing I’d been suffering, that was hurting me very deeply, simply isn’t there any longer.
But I have another offering-it-up story for you too. Fifteen years ago, my boyfriend’s father was in danger of losing his job to layoffs (and he was in middle management, so he was sure to go). As I was driving to visit my boyfriend, I crested a hill near one of the Finger Lakes in upstate New York, and laid out before me was this gorgeous skyline, the trees, the clear blue sky, the crisp white clouds, the reflection of the water. It bubbled out of me: I offered God THIS, this beauty, His own grand creation, in exchange for my boyfriend’s father to keep his job.
My boyfriend’s father survived that round of layoffs. And the next. And the one after that. In fact, he kept that job right up until the day he died (and that’s with six months of not being able to be there at all due to illness.)
I think God accepts us offering up good things as well as the bad.
The idea of offering up small annoyances, inconveniences, etc. seemed so trivial to me until I tried it. And, as one earlier commenter pointed out, I then remembered what I’d rattled off in the Morning Offering.
I think it was Cardinal Newman who said that we would (or will) be amazed to see how all of us are knit together. And so we are.
I often see bearing difficulties as part of our participation in the “divinization” of the world.
Because of Jesus Christ — entirely and totally because of Him — we have a conduit to bend upward our pain, to draw it like a poison out of the world and pour back the light of God. If there were no Christ, the most we could hope for is to bear injustice without revenge, to “leave no evil” in our trails. But with Christ we not only can bear injustice (read: sin), but also natural evils and pains — and not just to absorb them like a sponge, but to mystically transform them.
I like to think that when we offer our sufferings to Jesus, it is not just a gift to our Beloved, nor is it only helping us to be formed into saints. That would be splendor enough. But He goes further: his Cross remakes that evil into good.
Another way of saying it is that when we suffer and unite it to Jesus, we are literally healing the world — sometimes in direct, visible ways, but mostly in mystical, invisible ways. Such suffering is the ammunition that will win the real war that is being waged in the universe; it is like the blood of the martyrs; it is life from death. All by and through Christ, who elevates us to such an honor.
Yes, as Mary Jane points out, offering up our sufferings is indelibly linked with the communion of saints. In the last year, I read Fr Jonathan Morris’ “The Promise”. The Promise is Romans 8:28–God causes all things to work together for the good of those who love Him. But that promise only makes sense in light of Romans 8:15–“provided we suffer”. I was going to say that I have done little offering in the last year, though reading the posts about the Morning Offering made me realize that I had started that discipline in the last year. While I don’t do much offering-it-up “in the moment,” I trust that God is connecting the dots between that sleepy 5:30am prayer and the events throughout the day. Perhaps I should be more intentional about my offerings more often, though I want to trust God’s Grace-Routing System. It’s hard to get into the habit of intentionality, starting at the age of 38 as I did.
A brother in the apostolate of Courage is fond of signing his e-mails, “I pray you are suffering well.”
On a personal, yea self-absorbed note, this post struck me because it’s the second time some of your comments have echoed mine (in my post on Michael’s death). It’s creepy (in a Holy Spirit kind of way) because I strongly doubt you read that post. More of Cardinal Newman’s “knitting,” I suppose.
Hi Amy,
Before I get out of bed each morning, I say an “Our Father” and the “Morning Offering.” I’ve been saying the “Morning Offering” forever and I really concentrate on offering up all my joys and sorrows and hardships for people in pain. I always pray for my family and for the Holy Father and I’ve prayed for you and your family. I must say I love Shannon’s and Diana’s ideas, too, especially remembering the souls in Purgatory and whoever just needs a prayer.
A consoling teaching is that no matter when one is enlightened in their lifetime about “offering it up” one can also gather past sufferings that may now seem to have gone awaste and offer them as well – joining it all to the sufferings of Jesus. It’s just not something charitable to do, but really causes, while doing so, a realization and a truer meditation on His real sufferings that go far beyond our own limited understanding due to our human natures.
When I had two days before my first chemo treatment, I was bitten by the Holy Spirit and shaken by the scruff of my neck to begin writing a Little Guide for those who know they are terminally ill and want the “quick and dirty” – sort of “holy death for dummies.”
The chapter entitled “Offering It Up” begins thus:
At this point in the game, you have realized that the swirling, roiling slop of current events – who is right, who is left, who is winning, who is losing – doesn’t give two hoots about a person who has the gift that you have received, the knowledge of mortality that will soon become a reality. In short, the knowledge that “I am going to die soon.”
In fact, the noisy parade has passed you by, leaving you sitting on the curb, confetti just stilled at your feet. “Am I worthless?” haunts your mind. “Was all the fussing and hardship, all the attempts to ‘get ahead’ just an illusion?”
I’m sending you the rest as an attachment if you want to read it.
Amy,
As a convert at age 61, I was delighted to discover the idea of offering up your sufferings for others. It was totally new to me, but it helped me understand so many things that had happened to me. I pray for you and your family during this time of grief and readjustment. Right now, my most hated task is exercising after multiple surgeries, so I’ll offer each exercise session for you all.
I’ve read your blog for the last two years and have found much wisdom. Thanks for sharing.
Godspeed,
Every morning I attend 6:45 mass before I go to work. Every morning I wake up at 5:45 and try to find SOME excuse to stay in bed instead of going to mass (it’s raining out, I was up late last night and need sleep, God won’t mind, etc.). Then I think of someone who needs my prayers, drag my sorry self out of bed and offer it all up for them (which I have done for you and your family many times over these last weeks). I never give into the temptation to skip mass, but I fight the same battle every morning. It’s amazing what prayer for others does for your own soul.
I like to spend time at a Benedictine monastery in upstate NY. I never understood the power of prayer and sacrifice for others–and I still don’t–but watching the monks offering their lives of prayer and work for the larger world, and having the privilege of entering in some small part into the rhythm and simplicity of their lives, showed me the power beyond measure of such things. My head still doesn’t get it, but my heart will never doubt again.
I read a few good comments recently on this subject of offering it up to God.They were posted on:
http://www.fatherchecksblog.blogspot.com
They were referring to a quote of Father Fulton Sheen about how so much suffering is wasted suffering.
Saint Padre Pio is the one who suggested offering up for the poor souls and for the conversion of sinners.This was discussed briefly on Father Groeshel’s ewtn program with a Lutheran Pastor and author of a book on Saint Padre Pio.
One can experience a deep consolation and union with Jesus Christ when we desire to unite our sufferings with the Lord.He is always faithful to bring comfort and restore peace to our soul. Offering up and praying for others is a work of God. Prayer is one of the greatest works that one can do.
Amy — Thank you for this entry. I’ve not thought about offering things up for years. Wasn’t even sure about the efficacy of it. Perhaps it is something like the idea that prayer doesn’t change God; it changes the pray-er. All the thoughts expressed by readers touched me, but particularly Kris’. I’ve had a lot of suffering in my life, and in the midst of it, never thought of offering it up. It can’t hurt to offer up past pain – pain that still lies heavy in the soul.
Thank you, and God hold you and your family close to His Heart.
Offering up is one of my favorite things on earth. The Bible says only one explicit thing in this regard to my knowledge…but the Bible says “God is Love” only once also….but back to offering up:
Colossians 1:24
“Now I rejoice in my sufferings for your sake, and in my flesh I am filling up what is lacking in the afflictions of Christ on behalf of his body, which is the church…”
Outside the Church, the unbaptized suffering poor elderly for example cannot offer up….of themselves….but what if God chooses to bless their suffering and unite it to that of Christ on the cross made present in the Mass…. unbeknownst to them. Catechism of the Catholic Church number 1257…another favorite thing of mine:
“God has bound salvation to the sacrament of Baptism, but He himself is not bound by his sacraments.”
Remember what Christ said to the pharisees….” the Son of man is Lord even of the Sabbath.” Mark 2:28.
Hello Amy – “Offering it up” has made all the difference to me. I’m so glad about your post, as I’ve recently got out of the habit for some reason and badly need this reminder. I often find my professional life very difficult and at times it has almost defeated me (panic, depression, insomnia etc). About a year or two ago I remembered my mother’s saying “offer it up” and decided to offer up each difficult day for others who need more help than I do. I thought that at least something good might come out of it. I see young people with terrible disabilities in my workplace so I tend to focus on that a lot, or it may be someone like abused children or women considering abortion. Not only do I feel more of a sense of purpose and perspective, but miraculously, difficulties just seem to melt away and the work goes well. It really does feel like a miracle and as if Jesus is right here beside me as I work. But the most important thing is that it’s not all about me anymore. That can get rather unbearable – which is why I’m glad you posted about this.
What awesome intercessory prayer work taking place!
Thank you Amy and all commenters. What an excellant post for the beginning of our Lent. A great Lenten mediatition.
YEA GOD!
And btw…’offering it up’ is so much better than just ‘sittin’ in the middle of the floor whining, crying, or throwing a temper tantrum/pity party!
GOD is so very good that HE has given us the opportunity to share all these moments of ‘offering it up’.
I will offer up my poor eye sight this evening in a prayer and hope that others will be directed to your post this evening and that all will know that HE is a most loving and merciful FATHER waiting to provide all grace and blessings.
Visit HIM here: http://www.savior.org
You and yours continue to be in my prayers.
GOD bless.
One more thing….see Fr. Mark Kirby’s post (*see his other Lenten posts):
Via Crucis
http://vultus.stblogs.org/2009/02/via-crucis.html
http://vultus.stblogs.org
We are so richly blessed this Lent.
Thank and praise YOU GOD!
My sister-in-law converted to Catholicism about ten years ago. Until she left her abusive husband and moved away, she’d never heard of offering up her trials for the sufferings of others. Of course, her sufferings were great – abuse, recovery, misunderstandings, divorce proceedings – but when I explained how offering up worked, she was overjoyed. Finally, suffering had meaning! She and another friend going through custody issues “adopted” each other and began offering up all their crosses for each other. I offered up (for both of them) the worries I experienced as I tried to help my sister-in-law stay on the path to recovery.
Then, my sister-in-law died suddenly, three days before Christmas. She was 40. She left three children.
Several interesting things have happened since that day. First, although I was very sad, I was not sad for her. I just knew she was with Jesus, finally at peace and able to accept her self-worth for the very first time. This strong feeling has stayed with me since the beginning.
Second, several people have told me they have dreamed of my sister-in-law, and that she was well and happy and running toward them with open arms.
Third, the prayers others offered for her and for our family absolutely, completely helped me and my family prepare for our trip home, plan her funeral and accept God’s possible call to guardianship if the need should arise. I could never, ever have done any of this on my own. Prayer got me through – the prayers of others, people who’ve never met me or my family as well as those who know us in real life.
I know that my sister-in-law would say that offering it up – all the big and little “its” of life – really, really helped her to make sense of the sufferings she endured for so long. She couldn’t control everything that happened to her, but she could use it for others’ good. I am convinced she’s praying for us now, too – and just waiting for us, with open arms.