Or don’t. We’re happy.
A few years ago – well, probably around ten years ago, now that I think about it – one of my older sons asked me what my favorite day of the week was.
“Monday morning,” I said, “When everyone goes away.”
This was, of course, after I’d left teaching and was plunging into writing full time. If he’d asked me before that point, Monday morning would rank up there with “worst” time of the week. Not at #1 though – surprised? No, for me when I was teaching, Sunday evening was always the worst. All those papers you’d put off grading in front of you, another long week of frustration ahead.
God bless teachers!
Anyway, a few weeks ago, Barbara Curtis, writer, educator, in-process Catholic revert and blogger at Mommylife had a post about introverted moms – especially introverted moms with extroverted children and/or large families. The responses are interesting – you’ve really, really got to admire homeschooling introvert moms. I couldn’t do it.
(And just for clarification – when we talk about “introvert” – most of us are using the definition in which introversion/extroversion refers to where you get your energy and strength – is it in time alone or is it through interaction with other people? If you want to do it the Myers-Briggs way, I’m an INFP – strong, strong, strong on all of it. I’m basically a disorganized quiet person who’s watching you and sucking up the vibes you’re putting out like a sponge. And then probably writing about it, so be careful. On days when everyone is around all day, I must stay up later than everyone in order to feel like I exist. I don’t mean that overdramatically, I just mean that my self doesn’t feel really connected until it’s…quiet and I can process stuff in my head.)
Melanie Bettinelli had a post in which she reflected on being an introverted parent, too . The question for her was outside activities – does our disinterest in all of the now almost obligatory “activities” available for little kids deprive our children?
My oldest son is an extrovert. I mean…he’s an extreme extrovert. It took me a long time to figure this out. It all finally came together for me in the aftermath of doing one of the Myers-Briggs inventories (for school, of course. So we could all get along, etc.) and observing him during one more aggravating trip to the grocery store in which he could not, would not leave either his brother or sister alone. It finally hit me, “If he’s not interacting with someone, he doesn’t feel alive. ” And I grasped the corallary of that which was that I feel most alive when I’m alone. And we were going to have to figure out a way to co-exist.
(Let me add to the mix that I’m an only child. That probably has a lot to do with this dynamic as well.)
They’re good discussions. And I think they once more (as if it has to be done) expose the lie that parenting is somehow not about real life – since real life is supposedly only encountered in offices and meetings and workshops ..I don’t know…bars?
When you read the comments from parents who’ve had to learn how to balance their own needs with the needs of their children, and who have therefore taught their children that their own needs must be balanced with those of others, when you read about the sometimes long struggle involved in understanding how and why everyone in your family is interacting the way they do….who can say that’s not real life? Who can say that what happens in the family isn’t the foundation for everything else that happens outside?
The most important lesson and foundation being, I think, (as it often is) sacrifice. On all sides, every day. And sacrifice for a noble purpose – love and the flourishing of others.
But can I just finish my book in peace, first? Please?
Charlotte was Both 