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So, About That School Family

June 20, 2012 by Amy Welborn

"amy welborn"

School Family

First, thank you for all of your comments so far.  They are very helpful, and I’m really looking forward to this conversation as it evolves.

I want to muse a bit about school and why I’m sick of it. First, the obligatory bona fides.

My family? Educators, and all of them in public schools.

My paternal grandmother was a schoolteacher in Texas from forever.  She taught before my dad and his sister were born and after, until normal retirement age.  My paternal grandfather was a high school teacher at first, then, as was not uncommon in the day, taking a couple of decades to work his way to both a Ph.D. and teaching and administering at the community college level.

They raised two educators: My Aunt Karen was an elementary school teacher who married a high school teacher and coach.  They lived in New Mexico.  My dad was a professor of political science at public universities from Texas up to Illinois and back to Tennessee.

That photograph? Well, “David” is my dad. The photograph is dated 1945. So he would have been 11, my aunt was 8, and the picture was probably taken in Paris, Texas. Schoolteachers, all, in the end, photographer and subjects. 

My mother, after getting her BFA from the University of Arizona, taught English in Ajo, Arizona for a couple of years, and then worked towards her MS in library science at the U. of Texas (she didn’t finish) and worked as a librarian in DC for a bit after they got married.

I taught, too – in 2 different schools, teaching theology to Catholic high school students.

So, yeah, I’ve been to school.

Now.

“School” is just a word, really.  It can describe countless settings in which individuals learn from other individuals.  School can be great, it can be horrendous.  School can be a place of revelation and truth, it can be a place of deceptive ideologies.  School can be the doorway to freedom, it can be a prison.

Usually, it’s something in between.

I don’t need to go into any of my crazy pedagogical ravings here.  I’ll just offer some bullet points (again! lazy!) that get to why for now I want to try to educate these two boys outside of an institutional school.

  • Wasted time and inefficiency.
  • Busy work
  • The way that these first two items cramp a family’s style.  Even if we never left northern Alabama for the next year, we could fill up our days with interesting, educational activities that we just don’t have time to do during the school year because they’re in school 8 hours a day doing work that could be accomplished in 3.  Every week, I get the various alternative weeklies from around here and pour over the events calendars and see so much…and then seven days later, we’ve done none of it because…we don’t have time. 
  • (Let me add, though, that their present school is not a homework-heavy school, thank goodness. None of this is really about a specific school. I think that these are common problems and issues.)
  • There’s a part of me that has started to really rebel against government educational rules and regulations.  Even if you’ve never considered homeschooling, do an experiment.  Take a look at your state’s and locality’s laws related to education – all of it from attendance to curricula. I swear that I was only idly thinking about this when I started looking at what the laws were and the paternalistic, Big Brother-ish tone awakened some kind of Screw You!  gremlin inside of me.
  • I have two little boys who have done fine – even excelled – in school.  I just look at what they have been doing – which has been good! – and I think, we can do more.
  • There are some gaps, and they’re gaps I’m able to fill.  What I mean is (for example)  that their math education has been great, and they both love math.  Check.  But grammar has been haphazard, and I can do that.  That sort of thing.
  • And here’s where it gets personal and probably kind of odd.  Quirky. But you know, these things are factors, too.  Time to move away from the bullet points.

Do you know how old I am?

In about a month, I’ll be 52.  My oldest son will be 30 in September.

THIRTY YEARS OLD. MY SON. 

I will explain to you what this means.  This means that I have been dealing with institutional schools for twenty-five years.

Are you the parent of a, say, seven year old in school? A rising second grader?

I want you to imagine yourself in eighteen years. There you are.

Still the parent of a second grader. Still signing the f***ing  planner.

Yup. That’s me.

I don’t mind the basic existential reality, at all.   I love it.  I highly recommend having babies in your mid-forties.  Being the parent of a second grader when you’re 52 is an awesome way, not only of working with @God to make more @humanbeings (always fantastic), but also of tricking yourself into thinking you are pretty much the same as the hot little 28-year olds driving their Rav4′s and XC90′s  to carpool and that you are not actually, you know, so freakin’  old.

But, that wasn’t my point.

My point was that I have been doing the – (deep breath)  – school supplies  - does your uniform fit? – your teacher wants what? we just bought all the school supplies – book covers? Why do we have to do bookcovers?  - welcome to our SCHOOL FAMILY –  parent/teacher meeting – beginning of the year orientation – parent/teacher conferences – giftwrap sales – please return these papers signed on Tuesdays – please return THESE papers signed on Mondays – I have to find an article for music class – but I get extra credit if you go to the PTO meeting! – make an adobe model out of sugar cubes – is your field trip shirt the green one or the blue one? – yes, I signed your planner – wait,don’t throw that away, we need the box tops – SCHOOL FAMILY – you need a check for what? – do you have hot lunch today or not? – candygrams – wait, is it a jeans day today – boosterthon? Try not to run too many laps, okay?  - please send cupcakes/cookies/goldfish but NO PEANUTS – POSTERBOARD – SCHOOL FAMILY.

- thing for twenty-five (25) years.

God bless ‘em, the teachers and administrators.  They do so much in a hostile culture and for so little compensation.  It’s criminal, really. It’s not about them.

But me? This chick, who comes from a school family? I need a break.

From the SCHOOL FAMILY. 

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Posted in Amy Welborn, homeschooling, Michael Dubruiel, roadschooling, unschooling | 20 Comments

20 Responses

  1. on June 20, 2012 at 11:28 pm Erin Manning

    Amy, my mom started homeschooling us when I was a sophomore in high school. My older sister had already graduated high school and was in college, and my then-youngest sister was a baby. (By the time mom had baby number nine she was 47 and a homeschooling pro, and several more of us were in college, proof that homeschooling doesn’t automatically ruin your chances of college education, etc.)

    I think for her it was the same sort of thing: just.being.tired of school. Which at that point in our lives meant an hour trek to the Catholic grade school and back (we high school kids took a series of city buses; ah, Seattle) for which she had to tote along the baby and the toddler and sometimes my ailing grandfather who was temporarily living with us…she’d reach the grade school and sit in the orderly little traffic line forever only to reach my siblings and be handed a list of supplies from one of the younger kids for a “Build a Totem Pole!” school project which began by assuming that all families had several large empty clean half-gallon round ice-cream containers lying around just waiting for such an event…

    It’s not (always) the educational quality or lack thereof that drives people away from school. Sometimes it is, as you say, just school.


  2. on June 21, 2012 at 7:34 am bearing

    Wow. Now I’m really glad I homeschool. That sounds exhausting, and I’ve never had to do any of it.


  3. on June 21, 2012 at 8:58 am Rogers

    Love it, love it, love it!


  4. on June 21, 2012 at 9:08 am Jen

    Let me know if you want to do a China unit this fall….


  5. on June 21, 2012 at 9:26 am Cecilia

    I hear you, and I do sympathize. Not arguing with your decision at all, but I do want to ask if you communicated to the school that they were bloody inconvenient? Some schools seem to think they get to decide any inconvenience/badgering/imposing on parents is okay; my kids’ first Catholic school was like this & NOT willing to hear our lives couldn’t revolve around their demands. So we walked and Wow! our new Catholic school does not expect our lives to revolve around them. I’m just saying it’s not inevitable to school a family to death & parents should speak up about it. And yeah, I’m a 3rd generation teacher & my husband and I both went to grad school.

    And thanks for not making this a huge religious issue. Some moms act like they’re discerning a vocation to the Carthusians & it’s a drag.


  6. on June 21, 2012 at 9:38 am Amy Welborn

    thanks!

    We are probably as minimally “involved” in school as anyone. It really is just the culture that most schools nurture: continual fundraising/volunteering/community-building on the one hand and a complex set of expectations and obligations that begin in the classroom and reach through to home. It’s the norm around here. It’s all seen as a good thing, not a negative. One does not get to be a “Blue Ribbon School” without A LOT going on, right?


  7. on June 21, 2012 at 10:34 am Joan

    Amy, I’m 51, have 10 kids ages 26 to 3 and have homeschooled for over 20 years. At this point, homeschooling defines our family as much as school has defined yours. I feel, though, that since my husband and I are principal and teacher, we are the ones defining that culture…and that culture has grown to be our particular family’s culture. The time spent together, exploring common interests, developing new ones, and enjoying (for the most part) each others’ company. I believe this shared family culture allows us to have closer relationships both inside and outside of the family. The last 20+ years have not been easy, but I wouldn’t have traded them for the world!


  8. on June 21, 2012 at 11:01 am Sally Thomas

    Another former public-school educator here. Homeschooling was something I was never going to do. (being Catholic was something I was never going to do, either . . . my adult life is one long conversion story on multiple levels . . . but that’s for another day.)

    Institutional school lasted for us, as parents, until our oldest was 9. And we have not missed it.


  9. on June 21, 2012 at 12:39 pm donnamarie

    We are a family with 9dc (from a 1.5yr old up to twin 18yo) and have been homeschooling from the beginning. I cherish even the worst day of homeschooling. I love being more family-centered and of course that means God at the center of that..it is freeing, interesting, hard and wonderful. I snickered at the big brotherish comment in the article…knowing what I know now how could I ever have endured all of that. I can use my energies while hsing to the benefit of everyone and each individual picking and choosing what is best. I don’t think I could hack it with so many bosses(teachers/principals) telling me what to do all of the time. Sorry for being such a rebel…LOL But seriously, it has been one of the most amazing experiences besides actually bringing them into the world. I teach them from the first moments and it is just a natural extension of motherhood to keep going and nurturing them as they grow…awe-inspiring really. I am grateful for this CALLING to do this.


  10. on June 21, 2012 at 1:28 pm Clare Krishan

    Did you catch this TedxEducators video by a former Disney Imagineer (that’s an engineer who imagines fun theme-park rides for a living) ?

    (from 2010 but I found it recently posted at http://www.actoneprogram.com/recapturing-your-creative-spirit-by-c-mcnair-wilson/ )

    These next two links may not be as entertaining but IMHO they speak to the unease our souls experience when we encounter the reductionism of school-as-factory/warehouse (“Raised in captivity” is the title of McNair Wilson’s autobiography, chuckle).

    “Truth and the Christian imagination – the iconoclasm of the Spirit” [_http://communio-icr.com/articles/PDF/DCS33-4.pdf_]

    and

    “Descartes, Algebra, and Alienation”
    [_http://www.frontporchrepublic.com/2009/06/algebra/_]


  11. on June 21, 2012 at 2:10 pm The Diatribe Guy

    You’ve given me an idea: Continual fundraising for our Homeschool!


  12. on June 21, 2012 at 3:41 pm amyrobynne

    It is so exciting for me to read this. I have 3 boys, ages 8, 6, and almost 2 and the older 2 have been attending the Catholic prep school where my husband teaches science. I hit a point in mid-May where I was running from the 2nd grade play to Track & Field Day and figuring out how to get to the kindergarten musical the next day and someone asked me if I’d ever considered homeschooling. It suddenly made so much sense and I’ve been researching and praying ever since. I’m sick of the school family already and we’re only 4 years into it. I want time for Cub scouts and piano instead of forcing the kids to do busywork at 7pm. I also feel like I’ve sort of outsourced parenting since I started sending the kids to school. Now that I think they’ll be home in the fall, I’m reading parenting books and trying to make the most of our time together instead of sort of tolerating it and waiting until they leave again.

    Thanks for helping me see I’m not the only one making this choice.


  13. on June 21, 2012 at 6:48 pm dhoff

    Just curious, would you still do it if you had only one youngster?


  14. on June 21, 2012 at 7:54 pm Amy Welborn

    Probably. Would probably be even more likely to.


  15. on June 21, 2012 at 8:35 pm Gina

    I’ve been in Catholic education, either as a student or as a teacher, for 26 (soon to be 27!) of my 32 years on this planet. (I also did student teaching and subbing at public schools in Georgia and Indiana and learned that the public schools, especially with NCLB, standardized testing, and Common Core, were not a place I wanted to be, but that’s another rant.)

    My biggest worry, as a teacher, has been encroaching on my students’ and by extension their families’ time. Because that’s what I hated most about school as a student — the fact that my time was not my own. I was stuck in school and bored senseless for 7-7 1/2 hours of the 8 I was there on a good day, and then they wanted me to come home and do MORE of the same stuff?! I loved learning; I adored reading and devoured books at an alarming rate. But School (TM) did its best to sap my passion for learning and my excitement about knowledge. I don’t want that to be true for my students.

    I teach, however, at a “competitive” Catholic high school. I’ve watched students and families rebel or seethe or grit their teeth at crushing expectations from sports and homework and extracurriculars and club teams and church groups and “leadership opportunities” and goodness knows what else. I see students who are bright narrow themselves to fit the mold of The Well-Rounded College Candidate — they’re great at making straight As and cramming schedules full of activities, but they have no passion. I see students who struggle with learning throw up their hands in frustration and shut down, overwhelmed by the demands of six or seven teachers and a counselor and a coach. We live and work in a thriving metropolitan area with tons of cultural opportunities, but the sad truth is that my students, by and large, won’t go to a performance or a gallery or an ethnic restaurant unless there’s “extra credit” (ugh) attached to it. And I keep thinking, I don’t want this to be my family’s life in ten years, where our every waking moment is dictated by the demands of School (TM).

    I really want to be an advocate for changing how we see and do School (TM) where I work, but I also struggle with the idea of subjecting my own children to the frustrations and irritations of the current system while I’m working. Right now, my oldest is almost four, and she’ll start Montessori in the fall. As long as it works, we’ll pursue that route, but long term, I am seriously contemplating home school and/or founding an alternative Catholic school based on the Kunskapsskolan model.


  16. on June 21, 2012 at 8:49 pm Renee

    I am an educator and librarian who never thought she would homeschool (I am 40 something and only at the pre-K level with my only child)…your post was refreshing and relatable. I am so excited that you are sharing your journey with me…I am along for the ride!


  17. on June 22, 2012 at 8:50 am Sarah P

    I have two kids in public high school, one in middle school, and one going to preschool in the fall. Public school has not been as terrible as many people make them out to be. However, I am on the same page with you regarding being tired of the whole “school family.” Really, it’s not only school, that is wearing me out, but all of the activities. I have never over scheduled my kids, but the expectations and pressures from school and activities escalate the longer they are involved. Beginning band, in the sixth grade, wasn’t bad as far as time and money goes, and we understood the fundraising because they have to maintain equipment. Now, we have fundraisers for middle and high school band, and it feels as if saying “No” to helping out is like letting down the team. It feels like the more you give, the more they want to take. Each band, and other activity expects that to be the center of the world, and not just for the kids, but the parents as well.

    I can easily see myself making some serious changes in the next couple of years. The expectations on all of us are just overwhelming. Right now, I love having a break from all of that, and having time to pursue other interests. My son wants to make his own pickles!! I am SO glad we have time to work on pickles. HA!


  18. on June 22, 2012 at 8:52 am Amy Caroline

    Just like you I come from a long line of educators. My grandfather was actually one of those teachers who rode horseback through the Oregon mountains teaching in small rural schools. My father a professor, my mom a teacher and principal… aunts, uncles, soooo many teachers. And I too have been a teacher. I was on that path when I saw how much I hated the public school system and what it was doing. It wasn’t the teacher’s faults at ALL.
    So I started homeschooling. I got a lot of flack from all corners, but it is the BEST thing I have ever done. I have actually been posting about it at my blog. Mostly about my older kids and homeschooling (unschooling) high school.
    I even had bullets.
    I have used many of your books in teaching my children their faith and I am very grateful for what you have done for my family. You will be an excellent teacher to your kids!
    Enjoy the ride!! And God bless.


  19. on June 23, 2012 at 1:58 pm melissa

    I come from a background of educators too – both my grandmothers taught in one-room schools back in the 1920s. One moved on to being a farm wife when she married. The other married an educator, and they taught together (with him as a principal for many years) until retirement. When my grandfather died right after retirement, there were letters from so many former students who credited him with changing their lives , including some who changed from a path leading towards prison to a good and honorable life. I have taught at Catholic schools and am now a librarian at a public school (with two good long stretches as a stay at home mom when the kids were little.) We are going into our 19th year at the same good Catholic school where the youngest will be a 7th grader. I would love to pull her out and homeschool her for many of the reasons you listed, especially for the chance to focus on the many, many opportunities to enrich her life that are available. Unfortunately, I am the one who carries the health insurance for the family, so there is no possibility of that happening…


  20. on June 25, 2012 at 9:20 pm Anonymous

    As a grandma of 59 who has been parenting a nine-year old since he was five, I must say I completely understand where you are coming from. My first thought was — PTA, oh NO! — for how many more years? It is really not possible for me to home school him (and his mother is back in his life now as well). However, I really wish that I could. I have worked in public schools and now work at a community college and I would relish the adventure of participating more actively in my grandson’s learning journey.

    I look forward to hearing more about your journey.



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