Scenes from the conscience of a 3-year old.
Setting: Regular readers of this now-lame blog recall that Michael the Little has been seized by the Muse and has gone through a stage of coloring the wall instead of napping.
I’ve not yet bothered to clean off the artwork, but as far as I can tell, the Muse seems to have temporarily departed. Except for last night when she returned, moving him to draw on the arm of the couch, even as a piece of paper sat right in front of him on the end table.
Anyway, last weekend, we were discussing the nap in his future.
Me: If I read you a story and put you in bed, will you just draw on the wall again?
Stares at us for literally 30 seconds. I’m not kidding. Finally.
Michael: If I did, I would say it was what I did before…
Or should I entitled this post…”St. Thomas,call your office. We need to look at that whole “Age of Reason” thing again.”
Hmmm?
Crafts & Vintage
LOL! That’s fantastic! My little Michael is about the same age and I can picture him saying something like that.
Points for honesty!
That’s funny. Please form that genius for good.
Kind of reminds me of my conversation w/ my 4 year old yesterday: ” ‘damnit’ is a bad word, don’t say that again.”
He looks at me:
“What if I say it quietly?”
“No – I don’t want you saying that word.”
Pause
“What if I go in my room and say it and you can’t hear me?”
Memorandum
to: God
from: Parent
re: Progeny(tm) unit defect
We recently received shipment of one of your Progeny(tm) units. We followed the nine-month assembly instructions exactly. Yet there seems to be a defect in the unit. The unit appears capable of what your instruction set refers to as “liber arbitrium,” yet the associated “judicum moralis” module never seems to activate. Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter.
To: Parent
From: God
re: your Progeny(tm) unit upgrade
Thank you for your memo regarding the non-functioning “judicum moralis” module in your Progeny(tm) unit. To repair this apparent defect, please download and install the following upgrades: “Sacrum Baptismus,” “Testamentum Veterum,” “Testamentum Novum,” and “Magisterium Sacrum Catholicum Moralis.” You may find that these upgrades take some time to install. Correctly installed, these should properly activate the “judicum moralis” module. Reports of any further glitches in the module should be addressed to the forum “Sacramentum Confessionis.”
What is it with three year olds and the wall? Our house looks like Jackson Pollock’s studio!
I distinctly remember that my “pear” was a Frosty the Snowman book. I was angry about being put down for a nap when I didn’t want to be put down for a nap – I was 3 or 4. Mom gave me said book to pacify me. It didn’t pacify me at all. I knew it was wrong, I knew I would regret it, but I purposely ripped a page of the book.
Mom never taped the page, and never even thought about buying a new one. She didn’t dwell on it, and only brought it up once – the next time she read me the book. She said, “Here’s where you ripped it because you were angry,” and continued on reading.
I learned, and since then, I’ve considered my anger management to be one of my greatest strengths.
I applaud the boldness of the coinage of “bloglence”, but pretty soon you’ll be entering Scott Hahn territory. :-)
“Michael: If I did, I would say it was what I did before…”
This is a very complex sentence, with many shades of suspension from reality.
First, he uses a conditional, “If I did . . . ”
Then, having distanced himself from the reality of once again writing on the wall, he inserts another verbal mood that further distances himself, ” . . . I would say . . .”
Then, he injects tense differentiations, ” . . . was what I did . . .”
And this lad is only three years old? His verbal ability is WAY above that age. I think I would have a hard time formulating such a sentence, getting the mood and tenses right.
Well, he’ll be four tomorrow. And he did speak VERY slowly. It was funny, because he was clearly sorting it all out, just as you suggest.
When my nephew was about the same age he drew on the wall at my mom’s (his grandmother) house. Suddenly remembering he wasn’t supposed to draw on the wall he put an “X” over it to cross it out.
He is now 20 and the room has been repainted since, but the drawing remains.
Oh, that is soo funny! Thanks for the story.