Jen at Et, Tu has an excellent article in America: “A Sexual Revolution” about her journey from pro-choice atheist to pro-life Catholic. Really quite good.
Speaking of such journeys, I want to take you back many years to an article that was published in Commonweal in 1996 by Heather King – I clipped it at the time and used it in my classes. It’s a hard piece because of King’s experiences with abortion, but it’s all the more deeply hopeful because of that, too.
The truth in my case is that there was not only enough to go round, there would probably have been more than most of the rest of the world will ever enjoy: maybe not an expensive home or fancy cars–I don’t have those things now–but nourishing food and a roof over our heads and comfortable clothes. There would have been books and music and museums. It would have meant sacrifice, deferred plans, missed vacations, no slipcovered down sofa, no hundred-dollar shoes, but there would have been enough. The truth was that I simply did not want to share.
Heather King’s website, with information about her most recent book, Redeemed.
This is the money quote for me:
“As long as I accepted the premise that engaging in sex with a contraceptive mentality was morally acceptable, I could not bring myself to consider that abortion might not be acceptable. It seemed inhumane to make women deal with life-altering consequences for an act that was not supposed to have life-altering consequences.”
A brilliant, honest piece full of light and clarity. Thanks for posting it, Amy. I’ll have to stop by her blog more often.
“But there would have been enough. The truth was that I simply did not want to share.”
This moved me to tears. Thanks so much for sharing (and for the link, of course).
My wife and have been “blessed” with six children. What this young woman reflects upon are truths that my wife and knew from the getgo when we we’re married 29 years ago. Unfortunately, very few priest (in our parish) have ever voiced the truth about abortion, sex, contraception, etc. as this young lady has. Didn’t our beloved Jesus say something about “out of the mouths of babes . . . .
Peace to all
Heather King’s article was beautiful. Thank you for posting the link.
I was even far past her. In my mind, the baby did not exist as a person. of course there was no compassion, no empathy, no thought to the life I was taking. It was my life, and I was “free” to live it as ever it could be led.
The irony for me was I wasn’t living it as I wished at all. I was bouncing from one abusive relationship to another, one addiction to another, one emotional outburst to another. I couldn’t wrap any part of myself around why my life was so terrible, why I couldn’t make it stop being painful.
For me, it took that baby that I killed to learn what was wrong with my life. That baby converted me. First, to its own truth that it was a living human being I’d killed–though that realization didn’t come for months after the fact. Then, it converted me to the fact that I could never again have the kinds of meaningless, painful, desperate sexual relationships I’d been having. Then it converted me to the idea that no one should be having those kinds of relationships–they were inherently meaningless and painful, to filled a desperation. Then it led me to understand what could fill that desperation.
my need for God and Christ is still desperate. I am still bad at praying, bad at seeing Christ as a friend to confide in, but I get now how every day I’m still that desperate, even if no other aspect of my life feels desperate anymore. He is what fills that. Thank God.
The irony of ironies is that few children does not lead to a reduction in the resources required to sustain each individual as population control folks claim but rather a selfish, gimmee, gimmee, want, want that results in exponetial increases in the use of resources per person and overall use of resources by a society. Less is not more in this case. More is less.
I hope all the women who commented here and/or read this are telling their daughters the truth about sex and contraception so they (the daughters) don’t go through what we went through.
Having just a few days to go before celebrating our 30th wedding anniversary and going through the periodic teeth grinding comes with the reminisence of decades of a life that was not exactly what I expected, reading (and printing out for my archives) Ms. King’s piece was the reality memo that I needed.
I may bitch about the car with 299,850 miles (as of 6/27!) but, yeah, we have more than “most of the rest of the world.” And a family life that includes 6 children and blessings that can’t be bought.
Life so far has “meant sacrifice, deferred plans, missed vacations, no slipcovered down sofa, no hundred-dollar shoes…” but there would has been enough. I loathe to admit that there was the moment as a pregnant newly-wed that I considered making arrangements to “correct our course” and there was that OB who announced the imminence of a third child while offering to “take care of it” all in the same breath. It is an amazing grace that kept me from going there…
I just had a conversation with a colleague about this subject. Her son recently graduated from college, and she had a talk with him about his eventual responsibilty for his “special needs” sister. On reflection, this woman said she should have not been afraid to have more children – then the son would not have the whole burden of his sister’s care when the parents were no longer able. Hindsight…….
–I hope all the women who commented here and/or read this are telling their daughters the truth about sex and contraception so they (the daughters) don’t go through what we went through.
MEN TOO! We must tell all of our children. We must tell and tell again what we failed to understand about the Rightness of Marriage, of the Rightness of Children, of the Rightness of God to show us the Way–a mother, a father, and a child, devotion to God, devotion to family.
It’s not enough to tell women that abortion and contraception are wrong. We must tell men, too, but more, we must tell them what’s RIGHT. About the joy of children, about the fullness of life you had NO IDEA was unfulfilling before kids. About how it’s not your life to lead your way, it’s God’s Way, and it’s joyous when you let it be that instead of constantly fighting it.
Exactly, us men have had our views on sex and children disordered by this pro-abortion, pro-contraception culture as well!
I always say: behind every abortion is a man. Some huge percentage of abortions occur because the mother knows or senses that the father will not commit to her and the child. (It remains of course the case that the mother bears part of the blame for having relations with such a man.)